Monthly Archives: February 2011

OSCAR FASHION: AND THE AWARD GOES TO…..

Oscar Night is the biggest night in Hollywood, and one of the biggest nights in celebrity, and fashion. So it’s no wonder A-listers, beautiful people, and the film industry puts their best foot (or dress, jewels, and hair) forward… OR DO THEY???

Here are some of the BEST, and WORST, … of the year:

****The Red Queens****

These ladies rocked the Red Carpet in Red, and this should be an Oscar category in its own right! “And the Red Dress Winner of the night is…”

JENNIFER HUDSON!!!! ATELIER VERSACE! OSCAR GOLD! This is DEFINITELY my BEST DRESSED for the OSCARS! THIS is how you DRESS! A PERFECT STAR! WHOMEVER is her stylist- I congratulate you! A Standing Ovation!!!!!!

The Hostess, with the Mostest. Anne Hathaway in VINTAGE Valentino….. and not ONLY did she wear an iconic dress, but she was ON the carpet WITH VALENTINO HIMSELF!!!! Talk about a DOUBLE WIN! Chic, classic, Hollywood.

Sandra Bullock, in Vera Wang. Nice. Pretty. Safe. (The extra bow “poof”  on the butt provides cushioning for the long sitting during the show.)

Jennifer Lawrence, in Calvin Klein Collection. I think she looks ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Yes, this goes against my saying that “Oscars are a reason for dressing up like Royalty”, and this is a HUGE deal for her- Oscar nom for her first film, but DAMN! Simplicity here… is GOLDEN! I want more Jennifer!!!

Penelope Cruz, in L’wren Scott. Bombshell…. she wasn’t in a film to be nominated, but was there to support her man. She looked HOT, WITHOUT stealing the spotlight… perfect!

****WHITE WASH****

Hailee Steinfeld, in Marchesa. She is young, 14 YEARS OLD! This IS her PRINCESS MOMENT! She was up for a Best Actress!! So cute, and age appropriate! Everybody say it: “aww……”

Michelle Williams, in Chanel. OMG, I’m so TIRED of this look from her!!! She’s SOOO white, and she’s always wearing these LIGHT COLORS! When I can’t tell the difference between the dress and skin, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!! Put in some extensions, and wear a colored dress for once… PLEASE!!!!!!

Mandy Moore, in Monique Lhullier. WTF?!?!? This IS a WHO LIED TO YOU MOMENT….. AGAIN! Mandy has CONTINUALLY been on my WORST DRESSED! She looks like a Friggin GHOST, skin and dress match, she’s all washed out, makeup and hair makes her look OLD…. she is “THE GHOST OF JULIANNE MOORE PAST!”

Celine Dion, in Armani Prive.  Nice to see her after a while, and dressing like a wholesome mom. Could we add  a slit in the leg please? Celine: It’s your night off!!! And still, it looks like your wearing the kitchen apron!  HAVE FUN!!!

Melissa Leo, in Marc Bauwer. Oscar winner (her role in The Fighter was Amazing), but this dress, like the Christmas tree Skirt! I love me some White & Gold, but this doesn’t look like a “Oscar Dress”.. this looks like a Holiday tablecloth! Or one of those snowflake cutouts kids make in school! WHY THIS?!?!? Where is the FEMININE,REGAL BEAUTY? This is Militant Doily.

Gwenyth Paltrow, in Calvin Klein. Everyone on the carpet loved this, “the modern edge”, “the simplicity”, etc… I like it as well, but NOT for the OSCARS. She is a past LEADING LADY OSCAR WINNER: a lil more “OOMPF” please. I think this dress would be GREAT for something like a Museum gala.

Nicole Kidman, in Dior. I like the top half; the bodice and beading and fit are perfect. I love a strapless with a choker style necklace, (this one she was wearing was 150 carats!!!). And then: the rest of the dress….. What is this??!?!? She said she liked it because of the “structure”.  To me, this is a structure of a diaper. I want to see her little waist, not her big hips! This dress is EDITORIAL! to be seen STILL in a magazine PHOTO! When she walked, she looked like a white woman trying to wear a kimono: stiff and uncomfortable. Nicole: stick with the column gowns, and keep it SIMPLE!

I HAD to share this extra photo with you I saw on JustJared. LOOK AT GWENYTH’S BODY!!! SHE IS TINY! We all know that Nicole Kidman is a STICK, so when I see THIS photo, I’m thinking Gwenyth is the NEW Nicole Ritchie! I LOVE this photo, and I LOVE Gwenyth’s SHOES! (still not for Oscar’s though)

****THE A-LIST LADIES****

Cate Blanchett, in Givenchy. This is from the same collection as Florence Welche’s Grammy Dress, wear the the design house was all Asian influenced.  The backstage video/presentation of this collection (find it on youtube) was a great way to appreciate all the work and beading and time that went into this well done collection.  Cate is a beautiful woman, and one of my favorite actresses. This dress on her…is not my favorite. It’s a little too much “bullseye on the bosom”. It’s a pretty pic, I just know she could have found a dress JUUUUST a bit better.

Halle Berry, in Marchesa. I know I don’t have to tell you twice to look at this photo, (I could stare at that face all day). But REALLY look at this dress. The whole design is STUNNING…. BEFORE all that Tulle was added…!!! The crystal beading, the nude-gold tones, perfectly go with her skin, and compliment her body. And then, the WHOLE ROLL of TOILET PAPER GOT STUCK AS SHE LEFT THE BATHROOM!!! It looks sloppy, and like an after thought from the designers. LESS IS MORE in this case!!!!!!

Hilary Swank, in Gucci. I love the dress, from the structure being simple, to the long flow of feathers. But where’s the rest?!?! Was she running late??? Because she forgot all her JEWELRY!!!! Neil Lane Diamond Studs PLEASE???? Chopard necklace PLEASE??? She is wearing a piece in her hair… can YOU see it??? NO!! So we need MORE! That necklace Nicole Kidman was wearing should BE ON THIS NECK! (and add a light spray tan….  a little glow would help).

****YOUNG HOLLYWOOD****

Mila Kunis, in Elie Saab. We all know she’s beautiful, and has taken over the spot as the “hottest in Hollywood”. (I put her up there as the new Megan Fox, who is under Angelina- Mila WAS “Young Angelina” in GIA). So PLEASE MILA: DRESS LIKE THAT! We don’t want to see you “pretty in lavender”, we want you to be the SMOLDERING TEMPTRESS! Where is that character from “Black Swan”?!?! This is too girly-frill -frou-frou for her. The one thing going for her was the bust area, where it looked like the lavender bra lace was about to push her out! Next time, I want to see LONG HAIR, TIGHT DRESS, and SEX APPEAL (the OSCAR version). GET NOTICED, and GET WORK! I want to see MORE MILA!

Natalie Portman, in Rodarte. YAY FOR WINNING!!! “Meh” for the dress. I think she is EXTREMELY TALENTED, SUPER SMART, and I have LOVED HER since she played “Matilda” in “Leon: The Professional”.  But, this is about fashion.  I can clearly see she has taken on the role of “mom” already, seeing as this is the dress version of “mom jeans”. Yes, she is pregnant…Yes, she wants to be comfortable…. I just think it was a boring dress. I mean, she just won BEST ACTRESS, and her dress looked like a jersey knit, not an evening gown silk or satin. But I LIKED THE EARRINGS!

Scarlett Johannsen in Dolce & Gabbana…. or her Grandmothers curtains…. or that doily from the back of the couch… or the tablecloth for special occasions….REALLY? It looked like she ROLLED OUT OF BED (BRUSH UR DAMN HAIR), and wear a dress WORTHY of OSCAR GLAMOUR!!!! This is NOT Glamour!! Who lied to you and told you this was an Oscar dress!?!?!?

Reese Witherspon, in Armani Prive. Or IS IT?!?! NO! IT’S ELLE WOODS!!!! SHE’S BACK, and ALL GROWN UP! Is she trying to tell us there will be a Legally Blonde 3????? We all know by now one of my favorite words: BARBIE! I LOVE her for showing up in an evening gown, with a BIG ponytail, and TAN! THIS is MALIBU BARBIE, this is… THE RETURN OF ELLE! “SNAPS FOR ELLE!”

****AND THE WORST DRESSED GOES TO…****

Amy Adams, in L’wren Scott. UGh, this look was executed SO HORRIBLY! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NECKLACE DOING??? With the MATCHY-MATCHY bracelet? UGH, she might as well be wearing BRACES on her TEETH and this look can be from Saved By the Bell: Prom Night!!! It’s so BAD 80’s Prom/Dynasty/Pretty in Pink… Just Horrible. This stylist LIED.

Virginia Madsen, in Romona Keveza.  Sigh…. I think she is trying to get work with Disney, because she is dressing like a cross between both “Ursula” from The Little Mermaid, and “Cruella DeVille” from 101 Dalmations. She said she chose this because it was “classic old Hollywood”. WHY, BECAUSE IT’S BLACK & WHITE???? The bottom half looks nice, but the top makes her look heavy, and that GARISH RED LIPSTICK is CLOWNISH.

Marisa Tomei, in OLD Charles James. Fashion people were talking about this dress, and Randolph Duke said something that struck me. He said, “this is an important dress”, and that its amazing that a Vintage Charles James was brought back…. I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO SEE SO THAT WE KNOW NEVER TO MAKE ANYTHING LIKE IT AGAIN!!! This is one of the UGLIEST things I have EVER SEEN!!! WTF is that Tutu Hemline?!?!?!?! The LOSING contestants on Project Runway could make a better dress, drunk AND blindfolded!!! This is not about Marisa (“My Cousin Vinny”.. My favorite character EVER!) This is about her STYLIST WHO LIED TO HER. HORRIBLE!!!!!!

Helena Bohnam Carter, wearing Colleen Atwood. I put her here, because this is normally where she goes. Even though, I have to say, for HER: this is GOOD! She is wearing a creation from Colleen Atwood, who is probably the TOP Costume Designer in Hollywood. (I would DIE to work with her on a film).  But, I think instead of having your film’s costumer make you a dress, you should wear a true fashion designer’s! All in all: a BIG improvement. But this is still like having your mom make your Prom dress.

****THE MEN****

Colin Firth, in Tom Ford. Not only is this custom Tom Ford, but ECO Tom Ford! All materials used in this Tuxedo were italian organic, non chemical dye fabrics, that were safe for the environment.  Even Tom got a mention in Colin’s WINNING SPEECH. Must be doing something right! 🙂

Justin Timberlake, in Tom Ford. What can I say that’s bad about this outfit? NOTHING. Well groomed, well fitted. THIS IS WHY TOM FORD IS WHO HE IS. PERFECTION.

Jesse Eisenberg, in I DONT CARE. That’s what his appearance seems to say anyway. THIS IS THE OSCARS. You just played the ROLE of a LIFETIME, in the film that “DEFINED A GENERATION”, and that (COULD) have won! And you disrespect the Academy by showing up like this… WASH AND STYLE YOUR F***ING HAIR!!! STRAIGHTEN and CINCH your F***ING TIE!!! Your not in character anymore, you don’t need to play an ASS****. Dress appropriately DAMMIT.

And saving the BEST FOR LAST… A SPECIAL APPEARANCE…. by the sexy: SHARON STONE!

KATHERINE TREMMEL IS BACK!!!!! Sharon is JAW DROPPING in this DIOR. She is in her 50’s!!!!  Look at her Posture, her pose! DAMN! She is the one woman last night that wives were scared of! This Lady was on the PROWL!  SHE IS REEKING of SEX APPEAL,  ATTITUDE, and JUST PLAIN HOTNESS.  (thank you Sharon!)

GUCCI-GUCCI-GOO! IT’S BABY MAKIN’ TIME!!!

So by now, you should all know how much I’m OBSESSED with Gucci. (There is an actual story about how it came to be, but I will skip it for now). Just know that GUCCI is IT! Well, they recently launched the Gucci Children Collection, with JLo and her twins (which is actually perfect, they are the epitome of the lifestyle).

A couple weeks ago, we went into Gucci on Rodeo Dr to check out the collection. Not ONLY is it VERY REASONABLY PRICED, and I WANT EVERYTHING, but it started my biological clock TICKING. So, now that I’m married, there is only one solution: HAVE SOME CHILDREN!!!!

We already have it planned out: Twins, a boy and girl, named Ethan Royal and Elle Paris.

SO, here we are, PRESENTING MY CHILDREN in their NEW GUCCI OUTFITS!

First up, Ethan Royal:

This is for the Red Carpet/Special Events.  Always need the shades, a leather jacket, and a pose.  I even have the matching shoes!

This is his Airport Outfit when we go to Hawaii to visit the Grandparents. Gotta have a Boho outfit!

And finally, for going out to Brunch. (Daddy needs the weekly bottomless mimosas!)

Here is our sweet daughter Elle Paris. (She will be blonde though; this will do for now).

When I take her to her Equestrian lessons. She will need the boots for the dirt and mud. (I need to get a pair too).

When she goes to her friends birthday parties. Classic, simple, pretty.

And finally, her Brunch outfit. (I can’t stress enough the importance of Sunday mimosas).

It’s time to start practicing making babies full time!

The Grammys, 2011: It’s All about the EGG

First off:  WHO THE HELL IS ESPERANZA SPAULDING??!?!?!?!?!?!

Yeah, we now know she has performed at the White House, and toured with Prince. AFTER THE SNUB. I am NOT a Justin Beiber fan, but C’MON: BEST NEW ARTIST?????!!?!?!?!? We ALLL KNOW IT SHOULD HAVE GONE TO HIM…WTF?!??!?

Some group, “Mumford & Sons”, (even that NAME is hideous) look like the new cast for “Deliverance”. Look at the tool in the trucker hat and Colonel Sanders tie… REALLY?!?! REEEEAAALLLYY??!?!?!  THIS IS HILLBILLY TO THE MAX. And just watch their performance, (if u even can) especially the keyboard player. Then watch a Muppet/Fraggle Rock video… I rest my case…. weird freaks

Jennifer Hudson, in Versace. NOW THIS IS HOW YOU DRESS FOR THE GRAMMYS, FOR A RED CARPET, TO PRESENT YOURSELF TO THE WORLD.  Absolutely Perfect. L.O.V.E.

Rihanna. While she may be one of my faves, I think she took to a Valentines Day theme WAY to much. With the Red hair AND her body covered in Whipped Creme from a CAN???? (not really, but this John Paul Gaultier is not pretty).

Miley Cyrus in Roberto Cavalli. “Hey Miley, Zena the Warrior Princess called. She wants her costume back.”

Haley Williams from Paramour, in a custom Jeremy Scott…”creation”.  This has got to be one of the UGLIEST things I HAVE EVER SEEN. If that thing was sent to me to have someone wear, I would send it back saying , “HELL NO! NOT EVEN FOR FREE!”. Horrible.

Jennifer Lopez in Pucci. This is the Hottest thing I saw go down the red carpet. Those LEGS! That HAIR! My fave spike Louboutins! The ‘come hither’ look!….

BUT THEN……

KIM KARDASHIAN! O..M…G….. F*** ME!! This is PER-FEC-TION!!! THAT IS THE BEST HAIR (even if extensions!) I HAVE EVER SEEN (move over Giselle hair). THOSE EYES!! (she has best makeup). THE BOOBS! (showing lots of skin, but NOT VULGAR!) and The Slit on the legs….. I want to find her, pick her up, and give her the biggest hug/squeeze, and yell,”THANK YOU!!!!!”

Heidi Klum & Seal. (SIGH…) SEALS SHOES!!! AGAIN!!!!! REAPEAT F******* OFFENSE!!! HE JUST WORE THEM @ THE EMMYS LAST MONTH!!!!!(check out my Emmy posting to see!) HEIDI- WTF is WRONG with YOU!?!?!! You’re who America and the world is supposed to look to for “STYLE”, and “FASHION”??? You let your OWN HUSBAND leave the house in a 90’s era 3/4 length Blazer?  AND THOSE UGLS ASS SHOES ..AGAIN…. (BIG, BIG, SIGH…)

Nicki Minaj, in: a lot of leopard. I don’t know what to say, except: “RAWR”

Willow Smith, wearing Ugly. Oh, GOD, where do I start…..the SHOELACES IN THE HAIR? See, she’s too young!!! she doesn’t even know how to tie them on her feet! (Maybe her parents did it to keep her head ON when she “whips her hair back and forth, whips her hair back and forth.” And WHAT’S WITH THAT “clutch/bag/thing”???? A moving Carousel bag? It’s probably the Mobile that hangs above her crib…. REALLY?!?!?!?!?!!?!

Justin Beiber, in a white tux and kicks.  I like this (because I like white tuxes- wore this look for New Years- copycat) He looks great, eye catching, and PERFECT FOR ALL THE PHOTOS of his WIN (oops..) THAT HE SHOULD HAVE RECEIVED!

Katy Perry. I don’t care if it was ARMANI. Or that you “brought my  own Grammy” ( her Grandma- cheeze)… WTF is with the WINGS? Just because you sang at the recent Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, it doesn’t give you the right to try and be an ANGEL. Your pretty, but your not a model. (I’m guessing she took a cue from Lindsey, and stole them after the runway show.)

Ricky Martin….the sexy singer, the new dad, the now out and proud gay man, (the man whose concert I have been to 2 times, have sat on the dancers bus, have met him twice, AND OWN his  “Bon-Bon” Shaking Armani leather pants from “Living La Vida Loca” tour), the Latin lover that can do no wrong…sadly, he finally did. NOOO!!!! WHY!!!!??? the pants are TOOO tight ( I know, how can that be), and the boots heighth made his legs look shorter and stumpy, and that DAMN TIE kept twisting around backwards. I feel I will see this outfit mimicked in Weho. Ricky, for you- LESS is MORE 🙂 I will dress you!!

…..and now, the ARRIVAL of GAGA…..

…followed by her performance. First: the other day, was having dinner with friends, and we were all thinking of what she was going to wear. I said she has done everything crazy, she should go naked. And low and behold, this is as naked as you can get! Nude tones, and all the dancers stripped down to nude underwear. Am I on a GAGA trend?  She ROCKED the performance, and SHE “whipped her hair!” Those prosthetic shoulder protrusions were certainly weird, but I would expect nothing less. In fact, THOSE shoulders started a trend…..that the next 2 below failed to pull off

Monica…. I didn’t mind it at first, but then realized that neckline is CHOKING her! She OBVIOUSLY heard about GAGA’s shoulders, and must have wanted in on the action. Maybe she thought, “If I have them, maybe my career will come back!”

And the Sadness continues with Snookie. those lame shoulder puffs? REALLY??! Who dresses her? WHO LIED TO YOU??! It’s like “Dynasty” gone all wrong… all that jewelry, the earings, the cuffs?? She looks like Chuy Bravo in Drag!!!

“Snookie?” Just call her “Sausage”.

Lastly, and I really want to know why…. WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING???!?! THIS IS THE GRAMMYS, NOT MTV. CLASS IT UP, DUMBA**. Even HE performed with Muppets! This GAGA egg thing hatched a BIRD, no, a PLANE, no… ELTON JOHN WITH A TAN? It’s just sooooo disturbing. Seriously: what sane person thinks, “oh that’s cool, I’m going to wear that..”. WTF & WLTY!

 

 

 

ps: thank u to Celebuzz, justjared, wireimage, and getty images.

 

SHOPPING is a SPORT…NOT a WORKOUT!

The above image was captured in the Beverly Center, at a HIGH-FASHION DESIGNER BOUTIQUE.  When you go to the Beverly Center; it is a planned trip. You don’t just STUMBLE into this mall because you see something in a window. It is an EXCURSION. The 5 floors of parking, the 3 levels of shopping, …. it can be an ordeal. So when some lady is seen here INSIDE the Beverly Center, IN a SPORTS-BRA, POST-WORKOUT, it describes one thing about her: NO CLASS!!

I can see this being ok if she was post Yoga class on Melrose, saw something in a window, and made a quick dash inside. ( I CAN TRY TO FATHOM THIS…)

Not ONLY does she have NO CLASS, she started TRYING ON CLOTHES! STUPID B****! YOU’RE SWEATY!!! After she saw (and tried on) a jacket, she said to her much-older-man-counterpart, “Oh look, it matches the interior of your Bentley!” STUPID HOE. If you are living this “life of leisure”, driving around with some sugar daddy, then TAKE THE TIME TO GO HOME, SHOWER, and CHANGE!!!!

NO REAL WOMAN WITH CLASS, DIGNITY, and MORALS would leave the house and GO TO THE MALL in a SPORTS-BRA!!!!

TACKY……