Tag Archives: gucci

Has Luxury shopping LOST its LUXury?

I recently sat down with friends for lunch, most of whom are in luxury retail. We got on the subject of this past holiday season, and what it was like- busy, good customers, making money, etc. But what dominated the conversation was actually the topic of the “customers”. Now to clarify, there are “Clients”: (those who are repeat shoppers who work one-on-one with their Sales Associate, and generally spend more money than the average shopper- THEY ARE GOOD!). The “customers” are the “one-time-buyer”, who is NOT (yet, or ever will be) a client, and usually shopping in a place CLEARLY out of their league.  Some of these stories I heard made me realize that: A) there are some REALLY stupid people out there, B) the English language & grammar is finished (as we know it); C) LuAnn De Lesseps song sings true: “Money Can’t Buy You Class”.

Story 1- STUPID PEOPLE

A woman came into a Luxury store, looked at some men’s loafers, and asked the Salesperson, “it says (brand) here, but it doesn’t say “made-in-Italy” anywhere”. The Salesperson replied, “yes, you’re right. Actually none of the Men’s shoes say that.” She replied, “But some of the Women’s do?”. The salesperson responded, “correct, some of the Women’s Collection Shoes do say it.” She takes a moment to think about it, then says,” well…. are these… copies?” (REALLY LADY??!?!?!?!!? You’re IN the ACTUAL STORE and you’re asking if they are REAL?!?!?!?!)  The Salesperson said, “Excuse me, you are in a (brand) store- we don’t sell copies.” DAMN GOOD ANSWER! Tell her to GET OUT!) Another friend said that if it were him, he would have loved to mock her, and say, “oh yes, these are copies. We have such a high demand, that we can’t make enough; so we get copies made in China and sell them under our own roof.” (GOD,  I WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN THAT HAPPEN).

Story 1.5 (more stupidity)

A woman comes into a Luxury store’s shoe department. She asks,”are you having sale?” Salesperson says, “yes, all sale shoes are in this section here.” The customer walks over to a completely different shoe section and asks, “are these on sale?” Sales associate, “No, only these shoes here.” (pointing back to the sale section just shown). Customer asks, “So these aren’t on sale then?” ( NO !!!! THOSE AREN’T ON SALE!!! OTHERWISE THEY’D BE IN THE SALE AREA!!!!!)

PART 2- THE END OF PROPER GRAMMAR (… and more Stupidity)

A woman walks in to a luxury store, and says,” you don’t got any red bags?”     THE CORRECT QUESTION WOULD BE, “Do you have any red bags?”.

Person walks into a luxury store. Salesperson greets with a smile and says, “Hello!” Customer responds with, “I’m just looking.”  My favorite Salesperson response to that? Salesperson, “and I’m just saying hello…”

A man picks up a black display shoe and asks,”what color is this?” The salesperson responds, “It’s Black”. The customer says, “Is it? It looks Navy. Are you sure it’s not Navy?” The Sales Associate (WHO KNOWS WHAT COLOR IT IS- HI, THEY WORK THERE) responds, “Yes, I’m sure. It only comes in Black”. The Customer: “Oh yeah, it is.  I’m looking for black, just wanted to make sure.” Then a pause, “You don’t have this in Navy?” (NO THEY DON’T HAVE IT IN NAVY!!!!!)  Salesperson says, “no, like I said, it only comes in black.” Customer asks, “you don’t have my size?” Sales associate says, ” I don’t know, you haven’t told me your size.” (THESE “CUSTOMERS” ARE SO STUPID!!!!) Then the customer asks, “well, what size is this?”  The salesperson takes shoe, looks at size, and replies, “It is an 8”. The Customer says, “that’s not my size”.  Associate has to ask, “well, what size do you want?” The customer answers, “I need a 10”. (DUH YOU F***ING IDIOT!!!!!!! JUST TELL THE SALESPERSON WHAT SIZE YOU WANT IN WHAT SHOE!!!!!!!! IT’S ACTUALLY VERY EASY!!!!! ALL THAT STUPID CONVERSATION FOR NOTHING!!!!!)

Woman walks in to luxury store, asks, “Where are your wallets?” Salesperson replies, “They are in all the cases here. Are you looking for a specific color?” Customer answers, “no, just looking…. can I see this black one?” Salesperson shows it to her. Customer asks, “what other colors does it come in?” Salesperson responds, “grey and blue.” The customer asks, “you don’t have it in pink?” (IF SHE HAD IT IN PINK, DON’T YOU THINK SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU??????) Customer then says,” I really want a bright color wallet.” (THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING LOOKING AT A BLACK WALLET??? THE SALESPERSON ASKED IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A PARTICULAR COLOR!!!!)

When people ask, “you don’t have this..?.” , or “you don’t “got” this..?”, (GROSS) or “you don’t carry…?” ALREADY SETS THE TONE in a NEGATIVE manner, and having the salesperson NOT want to help you. (ie: you are “setting self up for confirmation of disappointment and failure”). The correct way to ask for something would be, “DO you have this…?” or, “DO you carry…?” Asking in a positive manner would be more engaging in having the Salesperson WANTING to help you!

PART 3- “Money Can’t Buy You Class”

This last part will probably anger people, but hey- I’m writing what I see and hear.

Recently, during my shopping excursions/outings/researching, I have noticed more and more….how shall I put this…. “conflicting demographics” in luxury stores.  On one side of the boutique is an upscale Jewish family, wife carrying a $12,000 Hermes; while on the other side is a bunch of “rapper wannabes” (Not an actual real successful rapper), with their pants hanging below their butts, underwear in complete exposure, Gucci belt, shoes; and smelling of marijuana. Or a young Korean couple shopping, the lady done up in a Chanel jacket,  jeans, and Louboutins; while a group of Middle Americans, overweight with dyed hair, piercings, (and clearly a decade behind in fashion), wander through the store, saying,” this store is so expensive, look how much this is, lets try things on”.

SIGH.

While there is a part of me that believes, “everyone is created equal”, … that’s where it stops. Created. Everyone WAS created equally- It’s what people have BECOME, what they have MADE OF THEMSELVES, how they REPRESENT THEMSELVES, that make me think they are not “equal”. Imagine you have gone through college, earned degrees, finally made a name for yourself, and can create a lifestyle you can afford. Like the Jewish/Hermes bag-woman, and the Korean couple: they have clearly made their mark, paid their dues, worked hard to get the things they want, or have inheirited a lifestyle that continues to involve themselves in a surrounding they appreciate and respect.

On the other hand, everyone can aspire to be someone, or be a better person, or want the “finer things in life” right? But how are we to take them seriously when they represent themselves in a place where, what they represent, does not in fact, belong? I can imagine a whole bunch of people telling me I’m too judgmental,  racist, stuck up, etc. Try this: the “rapper wannabes” I used for example? When I see this, I think, “What would Barack and Michelle Obama think? Or Oprah? They don’t dress like this. Would they be saddened to see their fellow race representing themselves like this?  Or do you think they would embrace the culture and think nothing of it?” I believe they would feel embarrassed, JUST the SAME way I WOULD , when those “Middle Americans” represent themselves the way they do, and people would think to put ME in that same category.

Luxury isn’t Luxury when the co-habitat of different groups of people are all of a sudden “fish-bowled”. It isn’t meant to be, for these groups to be shopping under the same roof together. Think of their living situations- Do they live in the same neighborhoods? NO. Do they eat at the same restaurants? NO.

Luxury is not luxury when anyone can just go in and buy it. You have to EARN IT, and RESPECT IT.

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VMA’s 2011: Very “Mis-led” Artists

HERE WE GO! MTV’S VMA 2011 gives us  a lot of celebs, celebrealities, and musicians. Basically, everything from: “alotta look”,… “really?”,…  and “who ARE you?”!

Beyonce in Lanvin. She can do no wrong. AND… she announced she is PREGNANT!!!!! CONGRATS Ms. B!!!!! Love this girl…. She ROCKED her performance, and expose her bump as the crowd cheered. SHE IS an ICON.

Jojo… I love this girl too… where has she been? I like the edgy black… BUT WHAT is THAT on her BUTT???? I know girls want nice butts, but this is a lil TOO BIG!!! She needs to be careful tho…. the longer I look at this photo, the more I think she’s starting to look like JWOW…. (and I don’t think thats a compliment…)

Speaking of JWOW, here she is with Snooki

This is what happens when you come from nowhere and get ALOT of money VERY quickly.  JWOW lost weight, went from (probably) size 4 to a size 2/0… and put it all back on with plastic surgery. the BOOBS! the LIPS! And her eyes: is it the makeup, or is she botoxed like crazy??? Also, she should have worn a basic Louboutin pump- those shoes DO NOT make this outfit look “classier”.  And YES, I’m admitting this right now…. Snooki has NEVER LOOKED BETTER!!!! Even though she has the streaks, (no) and the shoes (Steve Madden?!?!?) are too big, she looks better than most days. This just goes to show: you can’t take Jersey outta the girls!

Jersey castmate Deena Cortese….. like I said: JERSEY. Ladies, please don’t try this at home. Or anywhere else. Ever. Thanks.

Soo…. this is the first time I have EVER had to say, think, admit, feel this way: KIM’s GOT A FAT A**!!!! And she just got married…. WHICH MEANS she is at her THINNEST for that wedding dress…. Kris has MORE than a handful. DAMN!!

Nicki Minaj IS the NEW Lady Gaga…. WHERE IS THEIR DUET?!?!??!?! This girl is CRAZY! We all know she loves being a Barbie, and here, she is OFFICIALLY HARAJUKU BARBIE. I don’t even know where, what, how, or why…. but SHE is going to be my Halloween costume for this year!!!!!!!!! (not this outfit, but something cuckoo). Her outfit is by  Japanese designer Shojono Tomo. Also: LOVE that “SUPERBASS” WON best HIP HOP VIDEO!!!! I’M OBSESSED with that song!!!

We were ALLL WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT!!!!! THE BIG QUESTION OF THE NIGHT: WHAT WILL GAGA WEAR?!?!?!??!   She has been in an egg, she has worn meat…. what could be next??? MAN DRAG!!!!! Her gender bending identity turns heads, creates controversy, and brings attention to equality issues. Some say she’s annoying, some think she’s too much… She kept the ACT UP the WHOLE NIGHT! (c’mon- THAT’s TALENT!!!)

What is Miley Cyrus wearing? What is this? She looks FAT & BLOATED!!! Not a good choice…..she looks OLD.  Her stylist lied to her.

Katy Perry…. dressed asian style.  Um… I think she heard about Nicki’s outfit, and decided to do a “safe white girl version”. (Nicki won this one) I’m so TIRED of her TRYING!! STOP PRETENDING!!!!!!! And then she changed:

WTF??!?!?!?!?! WHY????? whay is that on your head??!?! IT’S NOT FASHION!!!!!! ITS’S SOOOO STUPID!!!!!

Britney Spears, in another boring black outfit. With those STUPID hooker-looking half bootie that MAKES HER LEGS LOOK SHORT AND STUMPY. She ALWAYS wears these!!! BORED!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the VMA’s- LIVE A LITTLE!!!!! AND YOU RECEIVED THE VANGUARD AWARD!!!!

Taylor Lautner. He can wear anything. A blazer and a henley? Yup. He may be a young’n, but I’m all for going to see his upcoming film “Abducted”.

Kelly Rowland… wearing dress by Falguni and Shane Peacock.  I like this, Its cool, edgy, fun. I.m a sucker for great makeup, but sorry Kel- this is TOO MUCH makeup! It’s cakes on like a DRAG QUEEN! I have met this girl, and she is Gorgeous as is- she doesn’t need all of that covering her face!

Adele. I LOVE this girl!!! the VOICE!!!! (Her performance was chillingly amazing!)  NO ONE can EVER say I don’t love a girl with a lil weight, because here is my proof! 🙂 She’s nominated for 7 AWARDS, and she is 23.  She wears SAFE basic black, and she is ROCKIN’ some BIG A** HAIR… L.O.V.E. The only thing that creeped me out was her LONG nails… fine for GAGA, fine for Rihanna… but too much for her.

*****************MEN WHO LOOK LIKE SH%#************************

Jake Busey….. Yup,… don’t even have to guess… Gary’s son. Don’t even try to have a career Jake- you look EXACTLY like your dad, and people are going to make fun of you both for the rest of your life. GO HOME NOW

JC Chasez – wow…. life has been HARD on this guy. And no makeup. Time for a new image consultant. STAT.

Steven “Cojo” Cojocaru. Remember him. He was a “style” expert. He got very sick. He came back a woman. I mean, reeeallly?

Tyga. His “name” means “thank you God always”. (sigh). He is new to the scene. (wearing Versace (?!)) But the OVERALL LOOK…???? It’s “alotta look”. Too much look. Before your career starts- hire a stylist.

Tyler, The Creator. (BIIIIG SIIIIIGH)….. Yeah, that’s his “name”. What are these guys thinking? How are they helping IMPROVE our world??? He won for “Best New Artist”.  REALLY. His acceptance speech was so bleeped out, I had NO IDEA what he even said. He’s 20. With a start like that, he’s looking to be the next Kanye: a big F’ing D-Bag. And that’s WITHOUT me even talking about his F***ing choice of outfit.

************* THE MEN ARE WEARING DESIGNER********************

Busta Rhymes in… (Gucci?!) Well, at least it looks like it. The red & green striping… I just am not sure about Gucci making that collar…… Hmmmm….

Kevin Hart. YSL belt. Hmm… seeing a lot of YSL lately. Maybe since they just opened in Beverly Center. I loke this style (it’s a lil too “street” for me), but in general- I would ROCK everything from the belt up.

Ace Hood in Versace. Well, a Versace shirt anyway….. and belt (not in this pic). Versace IS making a comeback…. Lady Gaga, the H&M collab….. and now in the hip-hop community.  Hell Yeah.

Justin Beiber, wearing a YSL pin on his jacket lapel… hmm… more YSL.  He’s also wearing RED PANTS and LEOPARD PRINT SHOES (NOT CUTE). And to MAKE THIS WORSE-  he has a F***ING SNAKE IN HIS HAND!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!? When Selena Gomez asked him about it, he said,” I brought my snake with me” (she asked it’s name), he said, “Johnson”….. REEEAALLLY??!?! On Television?!!?! We all know what that implies… so stupid. Beware moms’… he’s turning!

******************NEW GENERATION GIRLS***************************

Bonnie McKee…. WHO????? (Ysl shoes…..)  She was born in 84… and is responsible for WRITING Britney’s “Hold it against me” and Katy’s “California girls” and “Teenage Dream”. I was gonna say that she looks more “hooker” than songwriter-  she dresses like the songs she writes. But you know what? She’s getting her bills paid. BIG TIME. At her age, she might as well dress like that while she can!

“Chanel”…. yes, her name is Chanel. I’m sure Coco is screaming in her grave. Nothing here says Chanel. Who is this???? She was an Australian Idol runner-up. She is in an Australian trip-hop group.

Jessie J. Recently hurt herself, so came out to sing covers of every song known during commercial breaks. I think she took something from Cee Lo Green’s closet! She is 23, and has written songs for Miley and Chris Brown.  Let’s see if her clothing matures  with her career.

Liz Lee…. WHO?!?!?!?!? the star of “My Life as Liz”. Am I too old? Guess so…. But I AM old enough to SCHOOL HER on APPROPRIATE DRESS for a carpet:

WTF SHOES ARE THOSE?!?  WITH WHITE SOCKS???? BOOTS UNZIPPED???

ugly…. gross…. sloppy. What a way to represent yourself, your show, and all the people trying to get your career going- I would either quit or fire her.

Shirley Manson from Garbage?? NOPE! Bjork?? NOPE. It’s new singer Skylar Grey. It’s a lil too “Beetle Juice” for me. Of all nights to dress up and look cool, for the world to see- this is it?? Not interested…………

Thylane Loubry Blondeau: The GORGEOUS 10 year old Model

A LOT of controversy is going on about Thylane Loubry-Blondeau, the 10 year old model (who has been working for a while) and her recent FRENCH VOUGE editorial. Media and masses are saying she is “over-sexualized”, “subjected to perversion”, etc…..

Thylane wearing a $4.3 million necklace... with bunnies... FUN!

I FEEL SHE IS THE MOST GORGEOUS GIRL EVER! She is playing “dress-up” for a magazine SHOOT – NOT living like this everyday, NOT starring in an ad campaign… just a couple pages in French Vogue. What girl WOULDN’T want that??

Or course WE, as a public, all have opinions, and YES, she is (REALISTICALLY) too young to be wearing heels/ that much makeup/ evening gowns, etc. But this isn’t reality… It’s a P H O T O S H O O T!!!!! “For PRETEND”!!!!  How many of you women out there (and men) went into their parents closet and played dress-up??? Put on their mothers makeup, and perfume, and lookied into the mirror, pretending to be older??? ALL OF YOU DID!!!!! Only thing different here, is the girl got to have her photo taken!!!! Professionally at that (by David Sims)!!! And in one of Fashion’s BIBLES!! WEARING GUCCI, LOUIS VUITTON, and JIMMY CHOO!!!!!

"pretend you're playing with Mommy's lipstick.." SEE?? FUN!!

She is the daughter of soccer star Patrick Blondeau, and designer Veronika Loubry.  This is like if David Beckham and Victoria were to do a photo shoot with their daughter Harper Seven at 10. She’s already a mini-celeb, she’s in the public eye, and she’ll definitely be a beautiful girl involved in fashion!

This is TOTALLY what HARPER BECKHAM will be like!! BEAUTIFUL!!

THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING IT’S OVER-SEXUALIZED ARE TAKING IT THERE BECAUSE THEY ARE OVER-SENSITIVE NON-FASHION PEOPLE!!! Why would I even think this as “sexual” unless I was a disgusting pervert? I wouldn’t! It’s art!!!

You have to look at this as FASHION. FRENCH FASHION. FRENCH VOGUE. STYLING. HAIR. MAKEUP. A COLLABORATE EFFORT TO ACHIEVE A BEAUTIFUL IMAGE! Every person who is bashing this is GUILTY of one thing: JEALOUSY! You KNOW you all wish you could have done this at her age, AND YOU WOULD HAVE given the chance!

Gucci is Baaaaaaaack……..

Ever since Tom Ford left Gucci, the brand hasn’t been the same…  it was missing that SEX APPEAL…. Gone were the days of Gucci sending down images of pure WOMAN, SKIN, and, well… SEX…. and it was just… boring. Until now.

While this collection may not have the Tom Ford edge, it sure looks DAMN GOOD! Frida should be EXTREMELY happy with this collection, because it shows that GUCCI IS BACK.

THE FUR!!!! THE SKINS!!!! THE LIPS!!! THE GLASSES!!!

She definitely channeled some of Tom’s earlier collections with the Gangster suits and colors, and this show is BY FAR, one of the best I’ve seen in a LOOOOONG TIME!

Here is the runway show video. I advise: WATCH IT.

OSCAR FASHION: AND THE AWARD GOES TO…..

Oscar Night is the biggest night in Hollywood, and one of the biggest nights in celebrity, and fashion. So it’s no wonder A-listers, beautiful people, and the film industry puts their best foot (or dress, jewels, and hair) forward… OR DO THEY???

Here are some of the BEST, and WORST, … of the year:

****The Red Queens****

These ladies rocked the Red Carpet in Red, and this should be an Oscar category in its own right! “And the Red Dress Winner of the night is…”

JENNIFER HUDSON!!!! ATELIER VERSACE! OSCAR GOLD! This is DEFINITELY my BEST DRESSED for the OSCARS! THIS is how you DRESS! A PERFECT STAR! WHOMEVER is her stylist- I congratulate you! A Standing Ovation!!!!!!

The Hostess, with the Mostest. Anne Hathaway in VINTAGE Valentino….. and not ONLY did she wear an iconic dress, but she was ON the carpet WITH VALENTINO HIMSELF!!!! Talk about a DOUBLE WIN! Chic, classic, Hollywood.

Sandra Bullock, in Vera Wang. Nice. Pretty. Safe. (The extra bow “poof”  on the butt provides cushioning for the long sitting during the show.)

Jennifer Lawrence, in Calvin Klein Collection. I think she looks ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Yes, this goes against my saying that “Oscars are a reason for dressing up like Royalty”, and this is a HUGE deal for her- Oscar nom for her first film, but DAMN! Simplicity here… is GOLDEN! I want more Jennifer!!!

Penelope Cruz, in L’wren Scott. Bombshell…. she wasn’t in a film to be nominated, but was there to support her man. She looked HOT, WITHOUT stealing the spotlight… perfect!

****WHITE WASH****

Hailee Steinfeld, in Marchesa. She is young, 14 YEARS OLD! This IS her PRINCESS MOMENT! She was up for a Best Actress!! So cute, and age appropriate! Everybody say it: “aww……”

Michelle Williams, in Chanel. OMG, I’m so TIRED of this look from her!!! She’s SOOO white, and she’s always wearing these LIGHT COLORS! When I can’t tell the difference between the dress and skin, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!! Put in some extensions, and wear a colored dress for once… PLEASE!!!!!!

Mandy Moore, in Monique Lhullier. WTF?!?!? This IS a WHO LIED TO YOU MOMENT….. AGAIN! Mandy has CONTINUALLY been on my WORST DRESSED! She looks like a Friggin GHOST, skin and dress match, she’s all washed out, makeup and hair makes her look OLD…. she is “THE GHOST OF JULIANNE MOORE PAST!”

Celine Dion, in Armani Prive.  Nice to see her after a while, and dressing like a wholesome mom. Could we add  a slit in the leg please? Celine: It’s your night off!!! And still, it looks like your wearing the kitchen apron!  HAVE FUN!!!

Melissa Leo, in Marc Bauwer. Oscar winner (her role in The Fighter was Amazing), but this dress, like the Christmas tree Skirt! I love me some White & Gold, but this doesn’t look like a “Oscar Dress”.. this looks like a Holiday tablecloth! Or one of those snowflake cutouts kids make in school! WHY THIS?!?!? Where is the FEMININE,REGAL BEAUTY? This is Militant Doily.

Gwenyth Paltrow, in Calvin Klein. Everyone on the carpet loved this, “the modern edge”, “the simplicity”, etc… I like it as well, but NOT for the OSCARS. She is a past LEADING LADY OSCAR WINNER: a lil more “OOMPF” please. I think this dress would be GREAT for something like a Museum gala.

Nicole Kidman, in Dior. I like the top half; the bodice and beading and fit are perfect. I love a strapless with a choker style necklace, (this one she was wearing was 150 carats!!!). And then: the rest of the dress….. What is this??!?!? She said she liked it because of the “structure”.  To me, this is a structure of a diaper. I want to see her little waist, not her big hips! This dress is EDITORIAL! to be seen STILL in a magazine PHOTO! When she walked, she looked like a white woman trying to wear a kimono: stiff and uncomfortable. Nicole: stick with the column gowns, and keep it SIMPLE!

I HAD to share this extra photo with you I saw on JustJared. LOOK AT GWENYTH’S BODY!!! SHE IS TINY! We all know that Nicole Kidman is a STICK, so when I see THIS photo, I’m thinking Gwenyth is the NEW Nicole Ritchie! I LOVE this photo, and I LOVE Gwenyth’s SHOES! (still not for Oscar’s though)

****THE A-LIST LADIES****

Cate Blanchett, in Givenchy. This is from the same collection as Florence Welche’s Grammy Dress, wear the the design house was all Asian influenced.  The backstage video/presentation of this collection (find it on youtube) was a great way to appreciate all the work and beading and time that went into this well done collection.  Cate is a beautiful woman, and one of my favorite actresses. This dress on her…is not my favorite. It’s a little too much “bullseye on the bosom”. It’s a pretty pic, I just know she could have found a dress JUUUUST a bit better.

Halle Berry, in Marchesa. I know I don’t have to tell you twice to look at this photo, (I could stare at that face all day). But REALLY look at this dress. The whole design is STUNNING…. BEFORE all that Tulle was added…!!! The crystal beading, the nude-gold tones, perfectly go with her skin, and compliment her body. And then, the WHOLE ROLL of TOILET PAPER GOT STUCK AS SHE LEFT THE BATHROOM!!! It looks sloppy, and like an after thought from the designers. LESS IS MORE in this case!!!!!!

Hilary Swank, in Gucci. I love the dress, from the structure being simple, to the long flow of feathers. But where’s the rest?!?! Was she running late??? Because she forgot all her JEWELRY!!!! Neil Lane Diamond Studs PLEASE???? Chopard necklace PLEASE??? She is wearing a piece in her hair… can YOU see it??? NO!! So we need MORE! That necklace Nicole Kidman was wearing should BE ON THIS NECK! (and add a light spray tan….  a little glow would help).

****YOUNG HOLLYWOOD****

Mila Kunis, in Elie Saab. We all know she’s beautiful, and has taken over the spot as the “hottest in Hollywood”. (I put her up there as the new Megan Fox, who is under Angelina- Mila WAS “Young Angelina” in GIA). So PLEASE MILA: DRESS LIKE THAT! We don’t want to see you “pretty in lavender”, we want you to be the SMOLDERING TEMPTRESS! Where is that character from “Black Swan”?!?! This is too girly-frill -frou-frou for her. The one thing going for her was the bust area, where it looked like the lavender bra lace was about to push her out! Next time, I want to see LONG HAIR, TIGHT DRESS, and SEX APPEAL (the OSCAR version). GET NOTICED, and GET WORK! I want to see MORE MILA!

Natalie Portman, in Rodarte. YAY FOR WINNING!!! “Meh” for the dress. I think she is EXTREMELY TALENTED, SUPER SMART, and I have LOVED HER since she played “Matilda” in “Leon: The Professional”.  But, this is about fashion.  I can clearly see she has taken on the role of “mom” already, seeing as this is the dress version of “mom jeans”. Yes, she is pregnant…Yes, she wants to be comfortable…. I just think it was a boring dress. I mean, she just won BEST ACTRESS, and her dress looked like a jersey knit, not an evening gown silk or satin. But I LIKED THE EARRINGS!

Scarlett Johannsen in Dolce & Gabbana…. or her Grandmothers curtains…. or that doily from the back of the couch… or the tablecloth for special occasions….REALLY? It looked like she ROLLED OUT OF BED (BRUSH UR DAMN HAIR), and wear a dress WORTHY of OSCAR GLAMOUR!!!! This is NOT Glamour!! Who lied to you and told you this was an Oscar dress!?!?!?

Reese Witherspon, in Armani Prive. Or IS IT?!?! NO! IT’S ELLE WOODS!!!! SHE’S BACK, and ALL GROWN UP! Is she trying to tell us there will be a Legally Blonde 3????? We all know by now one of my favorite words: BARBIE! I LOVE her for showing up in an evening gown, with a BIG ponytail, and TAN! THIS is MALIBU BARBIE, this is… THE RETURN OF ELLE! “SNAPS FOR ELLE!”

****AND THE WORST DRESSED GOES TO…****

Amy Adams, in L’wren Scott. UGh, this look was executed SO HORRIBLY! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NECKLACE DOING??? With the MATCHY-MATCHY bracelet? UGH, she might as well be wearing BRACES on her TEETH and this look can be from Saved By the Bell: Prom Night!!! It’s so BAD 80’s Prom/Dynasty/Pretty in Pink… Just Horrible. This stylist LIED.

Virginia Madsen, in Romona Keveza.  Sigh…. I think she is trying to get work with Disney, because she is dressing like a cross between both “Ursula” from The Little Mermaid, and “Cruella DeVille” from 101 Dalmations. She said she chose this because it was “classic old Hollywood”. WHY, BECAUSE IT’S BLACK & WHITE???? The bottom half looks nice, but the top makes her look heavy, and that GARISH RED LIPSTICK is CLOWNISH.

Marisa Tomei, in OLD Charles James. Fashion people were talking about this dress, and Randolph Duke said something that struck me. He said, “this is an important dress”, and that its amazing that a Vintage Charles James was brought back…. I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO SEE SO THAT WE KNOW NEVER TO MAKE ANYTHING LIKE IT AGAIN!!! This is one of the UGLIEST things I have EVER SEEN!!! WTF is that Tutu Hemline?!?!?!?! The LOSING contestants on Project Runway could make a better dress, drunk AND blindfolded!!! This is not about Marisa (“My Cousin Vinny”.. My favorite character EVER!) This is about her STYLIST WHO LIED TO HER. HORRIBLE!!!!!!

Helena Bohnam Carter, wearing Colleen Atwood. I put her here, because this is normally where she goes. Even though, I have to say, for HER: this is GOOD! She is wearing a creation from Colleen Atwood, who is probably the TOP Costume Designer in Hollywood. (I would DIE to work with her on a film).  But, I think instead of having your film’s costumer make you a dress, you should wear a true fashion designer’s! All in all: a BIG improvement. But this is still like having your mom make your Prom dress.

****THE MEN****

Colin Firth, in Tom Ford. Not only is this custom Tom Ford, but ECO Tom Ford! All materials used in this Tuxedo were italian organic, non chemical dye fabrics, that were safe for the environment.  Even Tom got a mention in Colin’s WINNING SPEECH. Must be doing something right! 🙂

Justin Timberlake, in Tom Ford. What can I say that’s bad about this outfit? NOTHING. Well groomed, well fitted. THIS IS WHY TOM FORD IS WHO HE IS. PERFECTION.

Jesse Eisenberg, in I DONT CARE. That’s what his appearance seems to say anyway. THIS IS THE OSCARS. You just played the ROLE of a LIFETIME, in the film that “DEFINED A GENERATION”, and that (COULD) have won! And you disrespect the Academy by showing up like this… WASH AND STYLE YOUR F***ING HAIR!!! STRAIGHTEN and CINCH your F***ING TIE!!! Your not in character anymore, you don’t need to play an ASS****. Dress appropriately DAMMIT.

And saving the BEST FOR LAST… A SPECIAL APPEARANCE…. by the sexy: SHARON STONE!

KATHERINE TREMMEL IS BACK!!!!! Sharon is JAW DROPPING in this DIOR. She is in her 50’s!!!!  Look at her Posture, her pose! DAMN! She is the one woman last night that wives were scared of! This Lady was on the PROWL!  SHE IS REEKING of SEX APPEAL,  ATTITUDE, and JUST PLAIN HOTNESS.  (thank you Sharon!)

GUCCI-GUCCI-GOO! IT’S BABY MAKIN’ TIME!!!

So by now, you should all know how much I’m OBSESSED with Gucci. (There is an actual story about how it came to be, but I will skip it for now). Just know that GUCCI is IT! Well, they recently launched the Gucci Children Collection, with JLo and her twins (which is actually perfect, they are the epitome of the lifestyle).

A couple weeks ago, we went into Gucci on Rodeo Dr to check out the collection. Not ONLY is it VERY REASONABLY PRICED, and I WANT EVERYTHING, but it started my biological clock TICKING. So, now that I’m married, there is only one solution: HAVE SOME CHILDREN!!!!

We already have it planned out: Twins, a boy and girl, named Ethan Royal and Elle Paris.

SO, here we are, PRESENTING MY CHILDREN in their NEW GUCCI OUTFITS!

First up, Ethan Royal:

This is for the Red Carpet/Special Events.  Always need the shades, a leather jacket, and a pose.  I even have the matching shoes!

This is his Airport Outfit when we go to Hawaii to visit the Grandparents. Gotta have a Boho outfit!

And finally, for going out to Brunch. (Daddy needs the weekly bottomless mimosas!)

Here is our sweet daughter Elle Paris. (She will be blonde though; this will do for now).

When I take her to her Equestrian lessons. She will need the boots for the dirt and mud. (I need to get a pair too).

When she goes to her friends birthday parties. Classic, simple, pretty.

And finally, her Brunch outfit. (I can’t stress enough the importance of Sunday mimosas).

It’s time to start practicing making babies full time!

Golden Globes 2010: Gowns & Getups

As always, Award Show Red Carpets  give every fashionista anxiety: “WHO WORE WHAT???” And throughout the show, there are the “ooh’s and aah’s”. Then there are the, “WHAT THE F***? WHO’S HER STYLIST?? DOES SHE EVEN HAVE ONE? WHO LIED TO YOU????

Thankfully there wasn’t too much of that this year; mostly beautiful, some could have been tweaked, and a few: JAIL TIME SHOULD BE SERVED.  I have the WORST at the end…enjoy! 🙂

Here we go:

***THE HOLLYWOOD A-LIST***

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Monique Lhullier. Emerald green was worn by many last night, and this was one of the best of that color. The shape is gorgeous, Catherine (as ALWAYS) is one of the most BEAUTIFUL women alive, but the material reminds me of astro-turf. I know, I know: I love Monique too, and I’m sure in person, the material is wonderful, but if it looks like grass to millions of viewers, it probably is not the best PR move.  (Catherine is TOOO gorgeous for that).

Ann Hathaway, in Armani Prive.  This girl went from petrifing to pretty in Princess Diaries; a disaster to diva in Devil wears Prada, and now: a girl to GORGEOUS. Ann: THANK YOU! Beautiful hair, face, dress- that open back to JUUUUUSSSST above the butt, looked absolutely amazing. My vote towards best of the night 🙂

Nicole Kidman in Prada. Pretty face, great slender body, nice dress. Simple. I think the simpleness with the bow is destroyed with adding a sparkly shoulder piece. Ehh…. NEXT

Sandra Bullock, in Jenny Packham. I don’t mind this, she looks great, but it’s a lil…. boring? could there be such a thing as maybe, “Beautiful boring?” I love Ms. Sandy B, (and please don’t hate me anyone), but if you look quickly at this photo, you could mistake the posturing and hair for Bai Ling…. (an Amazing version of Bail Ling, of course). I liked the bangs, but then thought, wait, she looks asian…

Angelina Jolie, in Versace. I think this is the first time in my life I though,”wait… i don’t like this” when it came to a thought about Angelina. To me, she is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, it borders on OBSESSING how AMAZING her FACE, BODY, EYES, EVERYTHING ABOUT HER IS. But this dress fell short of that. All I ended up caring about was seeing her and Brad all cozy all night. Aww…

Julianne Moore, in Lanvin…… WTF??????????? I love her as an actress, and love all her characters she’s played. BUT THIS DRESS IS HOOOOOOORRRRIBLE! The one arm thin, half dress thing has GOT TO GOOOO!!!!!! NO, NO, NO! WHO LIED TO YOU??? YOU are BEST FRIENDS with TOM FORD! WHERE IS A NEW TOM FORD DRESS????????

Scarlett Johanssen, in Elie Saab. This outfit says one thing to me: BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN!! What is this lace thing? with the hair pulled up high and back??? ALL it needed were the streaks, and she would have been that character!!!

Natalie Portman, in Victor & Rolf. She is the Golden Globe sweetheart, EVERYONE and their mother is talking about her and BLACK SWAN. What everyone is also talking about is, “Why This Dress??” We know the movie is eerie, we know she is now pregnant… is she trying to show us a sweet side? If so: I don’t want to see that! I want Goddess! This rose thing is N.C. (not cute)… We all remember the misfortune that was Charlize’s rosebud boobies, right???

Jennifer Lopez, in Zuhair Murad. Remember the song, “My Love don’t cost a thing?” Well, this unfortunate communion/catholic wedding dress is no exception. She supposedly wore $5 million in jewelry….. too bad I don’t see that here. I guess you can still have a lot of money, and still look blah. Even her hair, just in a ponytail? NOT APPROPRIATE FOR A RED CARPET! She may be a beautiful woman, but no excuse: put in some effort. She is currently the FACE of Gucci, with her kids: WEAR A STUNNING GUCCI! PLEASE!!!

Halle Berry, in Nina Ricci. No matter what she wears, this woman is PRICELESS. LOOK AT THAT FACE! THAT BODY! THAT SKIN!!!! Although I’m not a fan of the half dress, half gown thing; i think I like this. Of course I wish it was one or the other, but seeing this photo again, thank God I get to see some leg! Voting MOST GORGEOUS of the Night!

***YOUNG HOLLYWOOD***

Leighton Meester, in Burberry. It may seem a little old fashioned at first, but then the shoes!, the slit!, the tailored sleeves!, and of course: that coy cherub face I love. I actually really like this on her. TEAM BLAIR!

Emma Stone, Calvin Klein Collection. We know her from “Easy A”…. here, she gets an A+!!!!! I LOVE her BLONDE!!!! And she’s TAN! and that perfect shade of peachy orange looks Great! I hope this got Casting directors attention, because I want to see more of this!!!! 🙂

Olivia Wilde, in Marchesa. I’m still not sure… I LOVE that its a “princess” dress, and the colors are dark and sexy…., but her unbrushed-hair look bothers me. I know if she did an up-do, it might look TOOO princess-y, but then again, it IS a red carpet!!! Maybe some big Giselle styled curls…. I just need more here. Dress is being wasted 😦

Jennifer Love Hewitt, in Romona Keveza (a bridal dress maker). I think she looks great here, she does it right with the hair, makeup, skin. Very Pretty. The dress looks a little like the structured Marchesa worn by Kate Hudson a while ago, but otherwise: Good Job J Love! I was rooting for you to win for “The Client List!”

Megan Fox, in Armani Prive. THE TEMPTRESS OF THE NIGHT. THE SEDUCTRESS. The Bad Girl in Hollywood that you have inappropriate thoughts of. THIS IS HOT!!!!!!!!!!

Mila Kunis, in Vera Wang. One of “the other green dresses”.  HOT GIRL, great color on her. I think the shoulder is too wide, too much fabric… don’t really like the poof on it either. Had it been strapless, (and with a better push-up), this would have been STUNNING. However, that face saves it. I can’t wait to see more, and hope that her Oscar dress SCREAMS Body hugging!!!!

Christina Aguilera, in Zuhair Murad. I’m not a fan of the mermaid tail, but I do like this dress; I like the way it curves, and the bust line is a great fit. But WHY the SAME RED LIPS with the SAME BLEACHED HAIR????? PICK SOMETHING ELSE PLEAAASE!!!!! It’s driving me CRAZY! Bring back some makeup moves from STRIPPED! Give me SEXY SMOKEY EYES!!! ANYTHING!!! And Christina: whats with the WEIGHT??????????

*** TV LAND***

Eva Longoria, Zac Posen. We all know she likes her trains, I think it comes with the Napolean Complex: the shorter you are, the grander the dress. While the top is modest, and simple (almost too much actually.. the top half looks like a secretary), the bottom reminded me of URSULA in “The Little Mermaid”. If anyone with a brain knows: that correlation should not happen.

Sophia Vergara, in Vera Wang….. or as she said, ” Vera WONG”. Hey Gorgeous Hot Fiery Temptress Beautiful Creature: Make sure you say the name right!!!! I love her on Modern Family, that accent makes me Crazy in love with her, and seeing her at Nobu once made my heart stop. However: red dress, on red carpet-Can get lost. And I don’t want this lady to get lost!

Leah Michelle, in Oscar de la Renta. Usually, she is a favorite of mine, because she chooses mature gowns. This time, it looks sloppy: The hair hanging in the face, with the excess fabric drooping down the side of her…. this is TOO MUCH DRESS for her… to big, too much, too sloppy.

Sarah Hyland, in Max Azria Atelier. You may not recognize her, but she is the eldest daughter in Modern Family. That’s right: all grown up, and BEAUTIFUL!!!!!My jaw dropped when I saw this; no jeans, or little outfits, but emerging as a woman! She looks SOOOO Good! Definitely the VOTE for BEST NEWCOMER!!!!! 🙂 Congrats!

 

***THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!***

Heidi Klum and Seal; she in Marc Jacobs, he in something to be burned. WHAT IS THIS MESS????? This is GROSS. His outfit is UGLY. UGLY SHOES. What is that suit: leather??? Gross. And take your glasses off, this isn’t MTV awards, this is for the Golden Globes! What are you doing here anyway? And Heidi: YOU RUN AN EMPIRE revolving around FASHION, and THIS UGLY ASS DRESS is what you wear to a RED CARPET AWARDS SHOW?????!?!?! SHAME ON YOU.  This Picture is Ugly to look at.

Tilda Swinton, in Jill Sander.  (sigh…) I know you’re a little kooky, and almost like the older version of a Chloe Sevigney with your outfit choices, but WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Its like the fashion house tried to make a 1-piece version of what Sharon Stone wore…in the 90’s!!! Sharon wore a ball gown skirt, with her the husband’s shirt… and it LOOKED GOOD! Here, this is a GIANT DIAPER DRESS. BLUGH! ( the ONLY ONLY ONLY thing I like: is the pink shoe that’s so unfortunately being hidden).

Julianna Marguiles, in vintage YSL.  Sometimes, vintage needs to stay there. BORING BORING BORING. YOU LOOK LIKE AN OLD LADY.

Mandy Moore, in Monique Lhullier. Sorry Hon, Catherine Zeta got the better dress from this designer. Looks like either Monique wasn’t involved with this dress AT ALL, or it’s a lie! THIS IS BORING AND UGLY. BLAH. Brush your Hair!

Helena Bohnam Carter, in Vivienne Westwood.  (WTF……. SIGHHHHHHHHHHH…………) Where do I start…. the hair? the mismatched shoes? the dress? How about this woman’s sanity. I would REALLY LIKE TO KNOW THIS: WHAT GOES ON IN THAT BRAIN WHEN DRESSING FOR AN AWARDS SHOW????? WHAT DRUGS/ PRESCRIPTIONS/ HALLUCINOGENS/ ALCOHOL  ARE YOU TAKING??? What makes this OK?!?!?!?! Can’t someone recognize that she’s not right in the head? That she’s a little bit CRAZY????  In her OWN word’s from Alice in Wonderland: “OFF WITH HER HEAD”. This GETUP is such an insult to the establishment which puts on theses awards. She should not be allowed to be there if she makes a mockery of recognizing talent. Keep your ugly fashion choices to yourself.  INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!!!