Tag Archives: heidi klum

The Grammys, 2011: It’s All about the EGG

First off:  WHO THE HELL IS ESPERANZA SPAULDING??!?!?!?!?!?!

Yeah, we now know she has performed at the White House, and toured with Prince. AFTER THE SNUB. I am NOT a Justin Beiber fan, but C’MON: BEST NEW ARTIST?????!!?!?!?!? We ALLL KNOW IT SHOULD HAVE GONE TO HIM…WTF?!??!?

Some group, “Mumford & Sons”, (even that NAME is hideous) look like the new cast for “Deliverance”. Look at the tool in the trucker hat and Colonel Sanders tie… REALLY?!?! REEEEAAALLLYY??!?!?!  THIS IS HILLBILLY TO THE MAX. And just watch their performance, (if u even can) especially the keyboard player. Then watch a Muppet/Fraggle Rock video… I rest my case…. weird freaks

Jennifer Hudson, in Versace. NOW THIS IS HOW YOU DRESS FOR THE GRAMMYS, FOR A RED CARPET, TO PRESENT YOURSELF TO THE WORLD.  Absolutely Perfect. L.O.V.E.

Rihanna. While she may be one of my faves, I think she took to a Valentines Day theme WAY to much. With the Red hair AND her body covered in Whipped Creme from a CAN???? (not really, but this John Paul Gaultier is not pretty).

Miley Cyrus in Roberto Cavalli. “Hey Miley, Zena the Warrior Princess called. She wants her costume back.”

Haley Williams from Paramour, in a custom Jeremy Scott…”creation”.  This has got to be one of the UGLIEST things I HAVE EVER SEEN. If that thing was sent to me to have someone wear, I would send it back saying , “HELL NO! NOT EVEN FOR FREE!”. Horrible.

Jennifer Lopez in Pucci. This is the Hottest thing I saw go down the red carpet. Those LEGS! That HAIR! My fave spike Louboutins! The ‘come hither’ look!….

BUT THEN……

KIM KARDASHIAN! O..M…G….. F*** ME!! This is PER-FEC-TION!!! THAT IS THE BEST HAIR (even if extensions!) I HAVE EVER SEEN (move over Giselle hair). THOSE EYES!! (she has best makeup). THE BOOBS! (showing lots of skin, but NOT VULGAR!) and The Slit on the legs….. I want to find her, pick her up, and give her the biggest hug/squeeze, and yell,”THANK YOU!!!!!”

Heidi Klum & Seal. (SIGH…) SEALS SHOES!!! AGAIN!!!!! REAPEAT F******* OFFENSE!!! HE JUST WORE THEM @ THE EMMYS LAST MONTH!!!!!(check out my Emmy posting to see!) HEIDI- WTF is WRONG with YOU!?!?!! You’re who America and the world is supposed to look to for “STYLE”, and “FASHION”??? You let your OWN HUSBAND leave the house in a 90’s era 3/4 length Blazer?  AND THOSE UGLS ASS SHOES ..AGAIN…. (BIG, BIG, SIGH…)

Nicki Minaj, in: a lot of leopard. I don’t know what to say, except: “RAWR”

Willow Smith, wearing Ugly. Oh, GOD, where do I start…..the SHOELACES IN THE HAIR? See, she’s too young!!! she doesn’t even know how to tie them on her feet! (Maybe her parents did it to keep her head ON when she “whips her hair back and forth, whips her hair back and forth.” And WHAT’S WITH THAT “clutch/bag/thing”???? A moving Carousel bag? It’s probably the Mobile that hangs above her crib…. REALLY?!?!?!?!?!!?!

Justin Beiber, in a white tux and kicks.  I like this (because I like white tuxes- wore this look for New Years- copycat) He looks great, eye catching, and PERFECT FOR ALL THE PHOTOS of his WIN (oops..) THAT HE SHOULD HAVE RECEIVED!

Katy Perry. I don’t care if it was ARMANI. Or that you “brought my  own Grammy” ( her Grandma- cheeze)… WTF is with the WINGS? Just because you sang at the recent Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, it doesn’t give you the right to try and be an ANGEL. Your pretty, but your not a model. (I’m guessing she took a cue from Lindsey, and stole them after the runway show.)

Ricky Martin….the sexy singer, the new dad, the now out and proud gay man, (the man whose concert I have been to 2 times, have sat on the dancers bus, have met him twice, AND OWN his  “Bon-Bon” Shaking Armani leather pants from “Living La Vida Loca” tour), the Latin lover that can do no wrong…sadly, he finally did. NOOO!!!! WHY!!!!??? the pants are TOOO tight ( I know, how can that be), and the boots heighth made his legs look shorter and stumpy, and that DAMN TIE kept twisting around backwards. I feel I will see this outfit mimicked in Weho. Ricky, for you- LESS is MORE 🙂 I will dress you!!

…..and now, the ARRIVAL of GAGA…..

…followed by her performance. First: the other day, was having dinner with friends, and we were all thinking of what she was going to wear. I said she has done everything crazy, she should go naked. And low and behold, this is as naked as you can get! Nude tones, and all the dancers stripped down to nude underwear. Am I on a GAGA trend?  She ROCKED the performance, and SHE “whipped her hair!” Those prosthetic shoulder protrusions were certainly weird, but I would expect nothing less. In fact, THOSE shoulders started a trend…..that the next 2 below failed to pull off

Monica…. I didn’t mind it at first, but then realized that neckline is CHOKING her! She OBVIOUSLY heard about GAGA’s shoulders, and must have wanted in on the action. Maybe she thought, “If I have them, maybe my career will come back!”

And the Sadness continues with Snookie. those lame shoulder puffs? REALLY??! Who dresses her? WHO LIED TO YOU??! It’s like “Dynasty” gone all wrong… all that jewelry, the earings, the cuffs?? She looks like Chuy Bravo in Drag!!!

“Snookie?” Just call her “Sausage”.

Lastly, and I really want to know why…. WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING???!?! THIS IS THE GRAMMYS, NOT MTV. CLASS IT UP, DUMBA**. Even HE performed with Muppets! This GAGA egg thing hatched a BIRD, no, a PLANE, no… ELTON JOHN WITH A TAN? It’s just sooooo disturbing. Seriously: what sane person thinks, “oh that’s cool, I’m going to wear that..”. WTF & WLTY!

 

 

 

ps: thank u to Celebuzz, justjared, wireimage, and getty images.

 

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Golden Globes 2010: Gowns & Getups

As always, Award Show Red Carpets  give every fashionista anxiety: “WHO WORE WHAT???” And throughout the show, there are the “ooh’s and aah’s”. Then there are the, “WHAT THE F***? WHO’S HER STYLIST?? DOES SHE EVEN HAVE ONE? WHO LIED TO YOU????

Thankfully there wasn’t too much of that this year; mostly beautiful, some could have been tweaked, and a few: JAIL TIME SHOULD BE SERVED.  I have the WORST at the end…enjoy! 🙂

Here we go:

***THE HOLLYWOOD A-LIST***

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Monique Lhullier. Emerald green was worn by many last night, and this was one of the best of that color. The shape is gorgeous, Catherine (as ALWAYS) is one of the most BEAUTIFUL women alive, but the material reminds me of astro-turf. I know, I know: I love Monique too, and I’m sure in person, the material is wonderful, but if it looks like grass to millions of viewers, it probably is not the best PR move.  (Catherine is TOOO gorgeous for that).

Ann Hathaway, in Armani Prive.  This girl went from petrifing to pretty in Princess Diaries; a disaster to diva in Devil wears Prada, and now: a girl to GORGEOUS. Ann: THANK YOU! Beautiful hair, face, dress- that open back to JUUUUUSSSST above the butt, looked absolutely amazing. My vote towards best of the night 🙂

Nicole Kidman in Prada. Pretty face, great slender body, nice dress. Simple. I think the simpleness with the bow is destroyed with adding a sparkly shoulder piece. Ehh…. NEXT

Sandra Bullock, in Jenny Packham. I don’t mind this, she looks great, but it’s a lil…. boring? could there be such a thing as maybe, “Beautiful boring?” I love Ms. Sandy B, (and please don’t hate me anyone), but if you look quickly at this photo, you could mistake the posturing and hair for Bai Ling…. (an Amazing version of Bail Ling, of course). I liked the bangs, but then thought, wait, she looks asian…

Angelina Jolie, in Versace. I think this is the first time in my life I though,”wait… i don’t like this” when it came to a thought about Angelina. To me, she is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, it borders on OBSESSING how AMAZING her FACE, BODY, EYES, EVERYTHING ABOUT HER IS. But this dress fell short of that. All I ended up caring about was seeing her and Brad all cozy all night. Aww…

Julianne Moore, in Lanvin…… WTF??????????? I love her as an actress, and love all her characters she’s played. BUT THIS DRESS IS HOOOOOOORRRRIBLE! The one arm thin, half dress thing has GOT TO GOOOO!!!!!! NO, NO, NO! WHO LIED TO YOU??? YOU are BEST FRIENDS with TOM FORD! WHERE IS A NEW TOM FORD DRESS????????

Scarlett Johanssen, in Elie Saab. This outfit says one thing to me: BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN!! What is this lace thing? with the hair pulled up high and back??? ALL it needed were the streaks, and she would have been that character!!!

Natalie Portman, in Victor & Rolf. She is the Golden Globe sweetheart, EVERYONE and their mother is talking about her and BLACK SWAN. What everyone is also talking about is, “Why This Dress??” We know the movie is eerie, we know she is now pregnant… is she trying to show us a sweet side? If so: I don’t want to see that! I want Goddess! This rose thing is N.C. (not cute)… We all remember the misfortune that was Charlize’s rosebud boobies, right???

Jennifer Lopez, in Zuhair Murad. Remember the song, “My Love don’t cost a thing?” Well, this unfortunate communion/catholic wedding dress is no exception. She supposedly wore $5 million in jewelry….. too bad I don’t see that here. I guess you can still have a lot of money, and still look blah. Even her hair, just in a ponytail? NOT APPROPRIATE FOR A RED CARPET! She may be a beautiful woman, but no excuse: put in some effort. She is currently the FACE of Gucci, with her kids: WEAR A STUNNING GUCCI! PLEASE!!!

Halle Berry, in Nina Ricci. No matter what she wears, this woman is PRICELESS. LOOK AT THAT FACE! THAT BODY! THAT SKIN!!!! Although I’m not a fan of the half dress, half gown thing; i think I like this. Of course I wish it was one or the other, but seeing this photo again, thank God I get to see some leg! Voting MOST GORGEOUS of the Night!

***YOUNG HOLLYWOOD***

Leighton Meester, in Burberry. It may seem a little old fashioned at first, but then the shoes!, the slit!, the tailored sleeves!, and of course: that coy cherub face I love. I actually really like this on her. TEAM BLAIR!

Emma Stone, Calvin Klein Collection. We know her from “Easy A”…. here, she gets an A+!!!!! I LOVE her BLONDE!!!! And she’s TAN! and that perfect shade of peachy orange looks Great! I hope this got Casting directors attention, because I want to see more of this!!!! 🙂

Olivia Wilde, in Marchesa. I’m still not sure… I LOVE that its a “princess” dress, and the colors are dark and sexy…., but her unbrushed-hair look bothers me. I know if she did an up-do, it might look TOOO princess-y, but then again, it IS a red carpet!!! Maybe some big Giselle styled curls…. I just need more here. Dress is being wasted 😦

Jennifer Love Hewitt, in Romona Keveza (a bridal dress maker). I think she looks great here, she does it right with the hair, makeup, skin. Very Pretty. The dress looks a little like the structured Marchesa worn by Kate Hudson a while ago, but otherwise: Good Job J Love! I was rooting for you to win for “The Client List!”

Megan Fox, in Armani Prive. THE TEMPTRESS OF THE NIGHT. THE SEDUCTRESS. The Bad Girl in Hollywood that you have inappropriate thoughts of. THIS IS HOT!!!!!!!!!!

Mila Kunis, in Vera Wang. One of “the other green dresses”.  HOT GIRL, great color on her. I think the shoulder is too wide, too much fabric… don’t really like the poof on it either. Had it been strapless, (and with a better push-up), this would have been STUNNING. However, that face saves it. I can’t wait to see more, and hope that her Oscar dress SCREAMS Body hugging!!!!

Christina Aguilera, in Zuhair Murad. I’m not a fan of the mermaid tail, but I do like this dress; I like the way it curves, and the bust line is a great fit. But WHY the SAME RED LIPS with the SAME BLEACHED HAIR????? PICK SOMETHING ELSE PLEAAASE!!!!! It’s driving me CRAZY! Bring back some makeup moves from STRIPPED! Give me SEXY SMOKEY EYES!!! ANYTHING!!! And Christina: whats with the WEIGHT??????????

*** TV LAND***

Eva Longoria, Zac Posen. We all know she likes her trains, I think it comes with the Napolean Complex: the shorter you are, the grander the dress. While the top is modest, and simple (almost too much actually.. the top half looks like a secretary), the bottom reminded me of URSULA in “The Little Mermaid”. If anyone with a brain knows: that correlation should not happen.

Sophia Vergara, in Vera Wang….. or as she said, ” Vera WONG”. Hey Gorgeous Hot Fiery Temptress Beautiful Creature: Make sure you say the name right!!!! I love her on Modern Family, that accent makes me Crazy in love with her, and seeing her at Nobu once made my heart stop. However: red dress, on red carpet-Can get lost. And I don’t want this lady to get lost!

Leah Michelle, in Oscar de la Renta. Usually, she is a favorite of mine, because she chooses mature gowns. This time, it looks sloppy: The hair hanging in the face, with the excess fabric drooping down the side of her…. this is TOO MUCH DRESS for her… to big, too much, too sloppy.

Sarah Hyland, in Max Azria Atelier. You may not recognize her, but she is the eldest daughter in Modern Family. That’s right: all grown up, and BEAUTIFUL!!!!!My jaw dropped when I saw this; no jeans, or little outfits, but emerging as a woman! She looks SOOOO Good! Definitely the VOTE for BEST NEWCOMER!!!!! 🙂 Congrats!

 

***THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!***

Heidi Klum and Seal; she in Marc Jacobs, he in something to be burned. WHAT IS THIS MESS????? This is GROSS. His outfit is UGLY. UGLY SHOES. What is that suit: leather??? Gross. And take your glasses off, this isn’t MTV awards, this is for the Golden Globes! What are you doing here anyway? And Heidi: YOU RUN AN EMPIRE revolving around FASHION, and THIS UGLY ASS DRESS is what you wear to a RED CARPET AWARDS SHOW?????!?!?! SHAME ON YOU.  This Picture is Ugly to look at.

Tilda Swinton, in Jill Sander.  (sigh…) I know you’re a little kooky, and almost like the older version of a Chloe Sevigney with your outfit choices, but WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Its like the fashion house tried to make a 1-piece version of what Sharon Stone wore…in the 90’s!!! Sharon wore a ball gown skirt, with her the husband’s shirt… and it LOOKED GOOD! Here, this is a GIANT DIAPER DRESS. BLUGH! ( the ONLY ONLY ONLY thing I like: is the pink shoe that’s so unfortunately being hidden).

Julianna Marguiles, in vintage YSL.  Sometimes, vintage needs to stay there. BORING BORING BORING. YOU LOOK LIKE AN OLD LADY.

Mandy Moore, in Monique Lhullier. Sorry Hon, Catherine Zeta got the better dress from this designer. Looks like either Monique wasn’t involved with this dress AT ALL, or it’s a lie! THIS IS BORING AND UGLY. BLAH. Brush your Hair!

Helena Bohnam Carter, in Vivienne Westwood.  (WTF……. SIGHHHHHHHHHHH…………) Where do I start…. the hair? the mismatched shoes? the dress? How about this woman’s sanity. I would REALLY LIKE TO KNOW THIS: WHAT GOES ON IN THAT BRAIN WHEN DRESSING FOR AN AWARDS SHOW????? WHAT DRUGS/ PRESCRIPTIONS/ HALLUCINOGENS/ ALCOHOL  ARE YOU TAKING??? What makes this OK?!?!?!?! Can’t someone recognize that she’s not right in the head? That she’s a little bit CRAZY????  In her OWN word’s from Alice in Wonderland: “OFF WITH HER HEAD”. This GETUP is such an insult to the establishment which puts on theses awards. She should not be allowed to be there if she makes a mockery of recognizing talent. Keep your ugly fashion choices to yourself.  INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!!!

 


 

 

AMA’S 2010- the good, bad, & “WHY ARE U HERE?!”

So…. after watching the PAINFULLY slow and sad excuse for “Live on the Red Carpet at the AMA’s”, and even worse, ALLLL the commercial breaks; 20 min in: I DVR’ed it.  Thankfully, that led me to breeze on by with the touch of my fast forward (times 5) to get to the good stuff. Surprisingly happy, I found alot of GREAT  Red Carpet looks. Of course, there are the usual FUG’s, (like Ke$ha- God, I wish there was a “cent” symbol instead of a “$” symbol), but there were alot of RANDOM’S too…  Since there were TOO MANY to count, I will make my rantings brief…. ENJOY!

Avril…. tell me, how would I know if this “look” is from last night, or from 6 years ago? I WOULDN’T. The pink and black streaks, the black and white punk thing, her saying “amazeballs” on television.. DAMMIT, JUST GROW UP!

Christina Milian…. here she looks cute (usually HOT).. I always had a slight crush on her. “Say I” video? HOT! “Whatever You Want” video? FINE! But what are you doing here? Why aren’t you up there SINGING? I walked through the mall the other day, and saw her on a Disney Xmas tv movie poster… I WANT MUSIC!

Fergie… she can do NO wrong. She is HOT, has AMAZING LEGS, and no matter WHO tells me they think her face is all worked on, I still think she is FINE!

Hey GAVIN… YOU’RE ON A RED CARPET, LIVE FOR THE WORLD TO SEE YOU, AT AN AWARDS SHOW!!! FOR ONE DAY: DRESS THE F*** UP! Your wife has a CLOTHING line, TAKE A F****** HINT, or DON’T SHOW UP! Why ARE YOU here ANYWAY?

Heidi… face(hair/makeup) is beautiful. But you RUN a FASHION EMPIRE with clothing line, jewelry, and of course PROJECT RUNWAY. So WLTY and told you this was a good look?? in YOUR own words, ” I’m sorry, YOU’RE OUT!”

 Lance… the only way you’re still in the music scene is by being here on this carpet, so make a good impression, and MAKE SURE YOUR F******* TIE IS ON RIGHT!! WTF?

Willow… this is the most EMBARRASING THING I have EVER seen a child “star” (cough, cough) EVER wear in my ENTIRE LIFE. WLTY???? YOUR MOM LET YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE LIKE THIS??? Your 10 YEARS OLD!!!!! I see CAMELTOE! Those BOOTS?!?! from your mom’s closet?? AND THAT YELLOW STRAIGHTJACKET????!  This is WORSE THAN ANYTHING Ke$ha has EVER WORN, and she wears GARBAGE!!!

Ke$ha… what’s scary about this, is that (minus her face and “clutch”) she’s actually “decent”(dare I EVEN say that)! OKAY, we GET IT! You’re “Anti-Establishment”, “F the man”, “Rock, Man!” and all that crap. WHAT’S WITH THE HAIR and MAKEUP? REALLY…. and ALLLLLLLLLLL your songs sound the EXAAAAAAAAAAACT same. God, I’m so SICK of this person!

Katy… BEAUTIFUL!, NOT TACKY or KITSCHY! (But I would have preferred shortening the dress to above the knee). and then… your performance outfit:

 “Y” is “YAY” for CAMELTOE!

TAYLOR SWIFT: THANK YOU!!!!! YOU WERE THE MOST GORGEOUS LOOKING DOLL FACED WOMAN… THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!

Nicki… I like her, cuz she’s cuckoo. Her performances, with her bug eyes, when she sings really fast: cuckoo… but I like it.  I GET that she wore something crazy, because that’s her “character”. But I thought that Green was a FUR collar for the longest time! My dissapointment came when she was announcing the winner, and she RUDELY yelled out a plug for her album release date… RIGHT BEFORE THE NAME OF THE WINNER. She might as well be Kanye 2.0…..

Justin… you’re not in my demographic, so there’s no reason for me to like you. But your performance last night: GOOD JOB! It was well done, and even a bit touching. Now lets get down to your outfit. You’re NOT Michael Jackson, so the black and white armband shirt?  Lose it.. you will never be of that caliber. We know Usher’s your mentor, but you’re white… lose the big necklaces and the big high tops. Be original, not a copycat. We’ve already seen you before, with Justin Timberlake, Nick Carter, Aaron Carter, and all those other teens before.

Miley: Love the Red Carpet look – you’re 18 now, so the shorter the better, and it looks great on you.

Performance outfit? I’ve already seen this, and I have 2 words for you: Stevie Nicks.

Rihanna… sexy, and looking like a WOMAN! You’re giving me a little Toni Braxton, a little Halle Berry. I think this is a GREAT LOOK! Now, about your performance look:

Uh, not so much… I know you were going for a more tribal, Caribbe feel, but this looks like you got the outfit from a thrift store. I JUST BOUGHT YOUR “R” BOOK! With all the FASHION I KNOW YOU FOR IN IT! What is THIS????

John Legend… love the voice, but WTF is with your SHOES!?!?!? Those are not ONLY the FILTHIEST I have ever seen ( U KNOW UR ON A RED CARPET, RIGHT??!?!?) but they are ALSO STEPPING ON YOUR DATE’S BEAUTIFUL DRESS!!!!! THANK GOD for her, because she toook ALLLLL the attention away from YOU!

***** FOR THE FOLLOWING WOMEN: WHY WERE YOU HERE??******

Jenny… You look great, but what’s the point?

Jessica: you look ok. Boring actually, and you’re a pretty girl. Why were you here? Oh, because you presented (as a plug for your role in the upcoming “Little Fockers” movie). Unfortunately, when the ONE preview showed during a commercial break, you weren’t even in it. So I ask again: what’s the point?

Mandy… you’re a cute girl, and you’re even nice too! I like your films, (in SAVED, “I am FILLED with God’s love!” as you throw the bible… something I still reenact with friends). But Why are you here???? It’s been so long, I forgot you exist!